Update as promised…
There are a lot of addicts around here!
Unfortunately, I have yet to be accepted into a detox facility. Years ago, when I needed detox for alcohol and opiates, I had the privilege of top notch medical insurance. I was placed at a facility which could give me an admittance date while coaching me on how to maintain until I got there. The nurses maintained frequent phone contact with me, ensuring my stability until I arrived.
I currently have State Medical Insurance. I have called 5 different detox centers. And I call every day when they tell me too. It seems as though my only two options are County Detox centers and one city detox which is over an hour away. I am willing to travel there, however, they have not returned my call.
Ironically, I left a message with the Detox Facility I went to years ago out of desperation. I knew they didn’t accept my insurance, but I requested a referral and some possible advice.
Out of all the places I have called, That was my only returned call. Given my desperation of course, I burst into tears as the woman I spoke with was so caring and helpful. She told me to keep trying, not to give up calling the Detox Centers. She also asked me if I had informed my doctor of my situation. Good point. I have been afraid. I accidentally on purpose failed to mention my past with addiction…. my love of pain pills. I even managed to keep from her that I was taking opiate blockers until a few months ago.
I honestly had no idea 5 milligram Vicodin would do this to me. I had legitimate back pain and took the prescription. I take Lithium for my Bipolar Disorder, and I cannot mix any pain relievers with the exception of Tylenol with it, so Hydrocodone (Vicodin) was my only choice. Some would have been up front with their doctor, but the addict in me wanted the pills.
So, I called my Doctor and explained what I was going through. I told her I couldn’t get into a detox bed and I had only 2 pills left. She refilled my prescription if I promised to keep my appointment we set. I can’t believe she refilled it, but thank god she did. I was starting to detox pretty hard. In addition to this, I have been drinking heavily. I guess one addiction feeds the other, on the other hand, one helps in the absence of the other.
Right now, I have enough Vicodin to get me through the weekend. We have guests. I didn’t want to either disappear or withdrawal in front of them. I am attempting to keep my drinking under control, but I need to keep it in my system until I can get help.
This really sucks It hurts and I am tired. But I guess it’s my own fucking fault. I can’t wait to get off this shit. I want to be me again. I need to be me again. I miss me.