I had a brief but memorable conversation today with a girl I barely know. I blurted out these words of wisdom from somewhere inside. A little place called experience? I believe that’s on the corner of “If only I could go back to the place you are now,” and ” What the hell was I thinking?”
So her relationship of three years is becoming exhausting. She understands where the problem is coming from simply because she knows and cares for him. It’s a dilemma. A painful one which people do not often comprehend. People on the outside looking in, never understand. And the ones who are in the midst of the relationship, fail to see the whole picture but it will eventually become clear.
Hindsight. The wisdom that is birthed from choices, both good and bad. Some people make choices their entire lives, and never gain any wisdom because they fail to pay attention. When I wrote the word hindsight just two lines above, my mind immediately went to the word ‘regret.’ I know that would be the wrong word to use, because if I truly regret anything I have done, how can I manufacture any true wisdom from it?
Yes, I have stood on the corner of “What the hell was I thinking?” But I remember being there and I don’t try and re-change my mind. What good would that do? I would just be sitting here in twenty years writing about what the hell I was I thinking now.
Today when I was talking to my coworker and apparently standing on the corner of “If I could only go back to the place you are now,” I realized that I should breathe in every possible memory of that place. I stood where she stood a long time ago. I had the same feeling of uncertainty. I knew what I should do, but let my feelings overtake my logic.
As I breathed in those memories, I didn’t feel regret, but rather an urgency to unveil to her another road in that intersection she may have not otherwise seen. I told her that it is better to save your own life if you feel you are being drown by this other person. Why let two lives parish when one can prosper?
Misery loves company. That
Is truth. When you can’t breathe because someone is weighing you down and they know it, it is not selfish to choose yourself. It is wise. I held on for ten years to someone who repeatedly pulled me down. I reached the end of my rope many times over. I tied a knot and hung on because I cared and understood him. Caring and understanding are small things in comparison with saving your life.
Don’t sink because you cannot let go of someone who will not let go of you. Speaking for myself, yes in hindsight, I am far too valuable to let someone suck the life out of me, intentional or not. I know I made the right choice by letting him go. I worry that some think I am selfish. But I know I need not worry about what anyone thinks.
I am alive. I am well. I can breathe just fine on my own. Above all, I am happy.