Mother of Mine

Mother of mine…

I don’t believe you when you tell me I’ve ruined your life.

Now you spend your time in agonizing pain.

Physically wrecked, spiritually void, emotionally spilled, psychologically killed.

It amazes me how you honestly believe there’s something that can fix you, a pill, a new doctor, a bottle perhaps?

Look at yourself.

You walk like a 90-year-old when you are barely 60.

‘Barely there is what I see.’

I quietly take the blame for your lack of life.

I hang on to the guilt that you cannot really live a life.

You worked all of your life so you could give everything to me.

Only to make up for my fatherless existence.

Well, look at you now.  You’re a shell of a woman.

When I look at you I cry,

When I hear your voice I feel helpless to fix you,

The fear of becoming  like you consumes me.

Please don’t let me end up like her.

Please let her go in peace.

And when she departs, may my anger depart with her.

I want it to leave with her , as a reminder of my hell.

This hell on earth I have endured all in the name of being your daughter.

I do love you though, mom.

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